Slash Maraud

Number 1 of 6 (mini series)

November 1987

Have you ever started to read a comic (or book) and the words just don’t seem to sink in? Like, you’re saying the words…but they’re just words. They’re not conjuring up any imagery, they’re not making any sense…they’re just words. This is exactly what I’ve just encountered with this comic book. I’m actually lost for words at how bad it is.

The story… I couldn’t even tell you what the story is! I even went on a Wiki and nobody has filled it in there either! I don’t know the year, the place (i assume its an alternative dimension or alien planet, given that there is a mixture of humans, dinosaurs and aliens all living together) I don’t understand what the hero is doing…I just started to gaze off in confusion. Has anyone else done that? Or is it just me and my short attention span?

I don’t wish to be rude to the writer (I’m all about positivity & spreading the love) but yeah…this (in my opinion) was just terrible. I couldn’t get into it, didn’t understand what was going on…absolute mind melter.

Maybe you have read it and can tell me what’s going on. If so, let me know! I’m also intrigued to know whether anyone else has an attention span as short as mine. If a story doesn’t instantly grab my attention, then I just don’t see the point of carrying on. Harsh I’m sure, but that’s what you’re dealing with people.

Here’s hoping next weeks comic book picks are better.

Until then!

To Keith

I was 14 in 1997. That was the year I was first introduced to The Prodigy. I was sat watching TOTPs with my dad and Firestarter came on. I vividly remember being blown away by the visuals. I’d never seen anything like it before. Even my dad was left gobsmacked. The next day at school it’s all we spoke about. This was a true game changer when it came to music, and it opened up many doors for me.

I grew up in a very strict ‘no-nonsense’ household. My mum loved The Bay City Rollers, The Osmonds and Showaddywaddy, and my dad loved Joan Armatrading, Paul Simon and Otis Reading; heavy, angry, intense music was FAR from what we would listen to. So you can imagine the shock for them to see and hear this being played in the UK charts. I was at an age where I didn’t really like any music as such, but the imagery and intensity of Keith and The Prodigy lit a spark inside me that would stay hidden away until my late teens (when I finally felt able to express myself properly)

Their music and influence were with me throughout the whole of the 90s and 2000s, and they have influenced way more bands than I realised.

There is undeniable sadness to this situation, and I don’t wish to focus on his death or the reasons why etc so instead I think a celebration of their music is in order.

If you’re not familiar with The Lounge Kittens, then you will be after this. Three extremely talented ladies put together a Prodigy Melody Cover song that features all the hits mashed together to create one seriously glorious tune.

It’s ok to be sad at the loss of Keith, but celebrate all that he brought to the world too.

Joey

The Lounge Kittens

Films To Be Buried With Podcast

One of my favourite Podcasts to listen to is called Films to be Buried With in which artists, actors & musicians are asked film-related questions that tell the story of their life. It really is fascinating stuff, and that in part is down to the host Brett Goldstein. Obviously, the answers are more in-depth on the podcast and there is back and forth between guest and host…but I thought I’d give it a go myself. So sit back, relax and when you’ve finished reading mine, head on over to your favourite Podcast provider and give the real deal a listen to here.

What was the first ever film you saw?

My mum always told me she took me to see The Care Bears Movie when I was tiny…but I fell asleep during it apparently, and I certainly don’t remember seeing it (I would have been 2 years old) But what I do remember vividly (back when Dewsbury had a cinema) was going to see The Little Mermaid and Indian Jones. Based on the dates they where released, it would have been Indiana Jones. Though I definitely enjoy The Little Mermaid more, which says a lot about me.

What was the film that scared you the most?

Now, like most of these questions I think you have to take the time and your age into consideration (when answering them) I was 16 when The Blair Witch Project came out and I remember telling my dad that (I read in The Daily Mirror) audiences in America where running out of the cinema absolutely terrified because they didn’t know if it was real or not, and it was scary as hell. Guess what? it WAS scary as hell! That last scene (again, 16/17 years old) where he’s just stood against a wall and then she drops and the camera drops and continues to roll, and you STILL don’t know if it’s real or not. Terrifying!

What was the film that made you cry the most?

There is a long list of films for this (I’m not shy when it comes to expressing myself) but Inside Out just kills me. I don’t want my babies to grow up. I don’t want these magical days to end. It’s so beautiful and so sad…and it’s inevitable. Brilliant storytelling & a legitimate classic in my books.

What film is TERRIBLE but you love it?

Easy…Freddy Got Fingered! 18 years later and I STILL quote it! ‘got my fingers crossed! Hope I get a jobby’. It’s SO dumb and Tom Green is at his height of ridiculous, it’s just amazing. Even now in 2019. Well, at least I think so.

What is the film you once loved but watching it now you realise it’s terrible?

Another easy one (& ironically features Tom Green again!) Road Trip. I literally watched it at the end of last year and it’s just awful! It would not be made in 2019 that’s for sure! (Sexism being the key crime) it’s creepy, it’s not funny, it’s just awful.

What is the film that means the most to you? Not because of the film it’s self, but because of the memories, you have of it.

Tough one this, because a lot of my happy memories have been shattered. My wife and I had a Labyrinth ‘themed’ wedding as we are both huge Bowie fans (& that film is easily top 3 of all time) but sadly, we are no longer together.

What is the sexiest film?

Again, super easy because I was the perfect target audience at the time…American Pie 2. That lesbian scene…say no more! What’s interesting is, that film still holds up. I know I berated Road Trip for being sexist and dumb, but the writing & characters in this are way better written. It also plays both ways; if you remember the scene in question you’ll remember that the boys have to show that they are willing too, and in the end, Stifler becomes comfortable with his own sexuality. So as dumb and as sexist as it seems, it actually delving feeling into the characters (especially the men) & getting them to open up & question love, life and sexuality.

Which film do you most relate to?

Into the wild. It’s based on a true story in which Christopher McCandles just wants to escape the stress & BS of life. He wants to live off the grid, and just live alone in the middle of nowhere. It’s SUCH a good film, and the fact that it’s true (ending with an actual photo of him before he died) blows my mind. I suffer with anxiety and depression & intrusive thoughts, I know exactly what it feels like to want to disappear. If you haven’t seen it, go do so now. You won’t be disappointed.

Which film is objectively the greatest ever?

I think I’d say Shawshank Redemption. The story, characters, the vibe of the film…everything about it is just perfect. I’ve never met a single person who thinks it’s a crap film. Can’t say more than that really because I can’t think of anyone under the age of 20 who hasn’t seen it. It’s a masterpiece (especially when he is escaping to the ‘sound’ of thunder and lighting) a visually stunning film too.

Which film is the one you’ve watched the most?

Another easy one…Labyrinth. It was my childhood, my wedding was based on it and even Layla (my 6-year-old daughter) loves it. Never get tired of watching it or singing along. Most definitely the most watched by a country mile.

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?

A friend and I went to see the 2011 midnight release of Conan the Barbarian…dear lord almighty. Awful. What a letdown. There’s really not much else to say other than its well and truly forgettable.

(Finally) What is the film that’s literally made you laugh out loud the most?

It was a toss-up between Jackass and Bruno…but I have to give it to the latter. When he jumped out of the window after being whipped by a dominatrix…honest to god, I couldn’t breathe! It makes me laugh just thinking about it! So much cringe and shock. Amazing.

Massive props to Brett for creating such a wonderful show. Please go check it out for yourself, and maybe give some o your own answers in the comments.

Poo Slime Royalty

Magic Moments

Having children brings you many wonderful moments in life. Yeah, they can be nightmarish at times and can make life stressful, but the good will always outweigh the bad. One of these wonderful moments (for me at least) is watching how my 6-year-old daughter learns, plays and grows with Youtube.

Back In My Day

Growing up, I had 4 channels. Channel 5 came along at the end of my teens, and we were too poor for Sky or cable. So we made do with what we had (which for me was a mixture of toys, stickers & cards, and video games) and life was good (well I enjoyed for the most part) now that I have children of my own I not only get an insight into what they like but also watching them react to things I liked at their age (check out my Detective Pikachu post for an example) and one of the hot ticket items of the moment, is slime.

Turtle Power

TMNT Retromutagen Ooze from 1989 was not only my first ‘exposure’ to slime…but it was also the best. Not only was it part of one I my all time favourite franchises (the TMNT) but it also came with a tiny glow in the dark pre-evolved turtle! It was amazing. Thinking about it now takes me straight back to shopping for it with my mum in Woolworths in Dewsbury (West Yorkshire) we had so many of those canisters growing up, they were an integral part of playing with our other toys. Fast forward 30 years later and my daughter is enjoying the exact same thing! Only this time, there’s a slight ‘twist’ to what she plays with.

They Play With What Now?

For whatever reason, (& it really is beyond me) children of today are OBSESSED with poo related toys. Seriously, it is EVERYWHERE. Some of the biggest play creation toy manufacturers in the world have poo related toys. Make your own poo, poo based board games, poo emoji cushions, you cannot escape it. It is everywhere. And the biggest ‘culprit’ of them all? Poo slime. That’s right, slime that is pretending to be the excrement of some magical mystical animal. I don’t get it, but it clearly works, so why not. The question is though…is it any good?

The Competition

The answer (I’ve found) is, yes! But only from one specific company. In my 36 years of living (& being a man child) I’ve played with my fair share of slime. Ecto-Plazm, Gak, Silly Putty and a whole host of knock-off brands, but there is one company out of all of these that has well and truly hit the nail on the head when it comes to branding, fun and slime consistency. That company is HGL.

A Plethora of Poo

Last weekend my daughter brought home a small tub of unicorn poo (yes, you read that correctly) the container of which is a couple of cms thick with the circumference being just a little smaller than the base of a coffee mug. Inside was this creamy white slime…full of glitter (her mind exploded when she saw it was glitter, but why wouldn’t it be, its unicorn poo) as soon a she got it out, hand to God, she had it with her all day. If she wasn’t playing with the other toys with it, she had it in her hand while she was watching TV, and fiddling around with it while she was reading to me. It did not leave he sight. When she eventually went to sleep, I finally got my hands on it (to see what all the fuss was about) and I was amazed at what I found.

The Testing

To get the full effect of it I placed it back in its tub for a bit to cool down and to reshape (she had been playing with it so much it was warm from her touch!) But when I did get my hands on it…my word, it was the real deal. The consistency is spot on; not too runny like a Mattel slime, and not to moldable like Silly Putty. They well and truly hit that sweet spot. The colour is mesmerizing (especially with the hint of glitter) the packaging and gimmick are cheesy but perfect for the target audience. It also plays well with other toys (I used an action figure and some lego and it didn’t leave any mess or residue behind) and when you put it all back in its little tub, it all folds back perfectly into a smooth ‘new’ consistency (after a while)

Final thoughts

If you’re buying slime for your children, ignore the fact that it’s ‘poo’ (I know some parents are put off by this, lord knows why, but some are) just buy this stuff. It’s a great price point (I paid £1 for each of these tubs, yes, I have my own now) and it will give your child hours of fun, with very minimal mess (as long as they are using it properly) it also works well as a relaxation tool too! I use mine all the time when I’m just sat watching TV. Open up your inner child. It’s way more fun than you imagine.